So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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