fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
