know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
