Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
