I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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