Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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