the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
