Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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