a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Let's paint friendship bongs
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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