I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
