It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
