I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
