Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
