its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
