Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
