the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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