see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
