I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
NoShamevember. You game?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Come share oat with me in your robe
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
