Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
