she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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