I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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