dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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