I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
