and i looked up. we had an audience...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
