I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
