I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
