I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
