I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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