he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
