I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize