just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your cock deserves a montage
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
