Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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