I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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