I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
