I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
