I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
