I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
