You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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