I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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