Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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