We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
