You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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