Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
