His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
