so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
