D3 body, D1 cock
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
