Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize