I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
