My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
