Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
