How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
