its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
