I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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