i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize