He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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