who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think my fart just growled at me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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