It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Randomize
