did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Mom said you looked used
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
