she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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