you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
