We won't sleep together?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
