Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
