you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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