This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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